Roller coaster

Well...I am actually writing without any news to share. I just happened to read through all my blog posts since the beginning of our journey and it struck me that we have been on quite the physical and emotional roller coaster ride. I don't have much on my plate at this moment but resting in bed so reading and playing sudoku have kept me busy. :) The funny thing is I absolutely hate roller coasters. I'm not usually the thrill seeker type of gal! LOL! Guess God decided I needed things shaken up a bit. :)

I do believe the enormity of my diagnosis has finally started to sink in today. The fact that this is the "good" cancer to have is helping to ease my mind but it is still hard to swallow a cancer diagnosis. I've had all day to myself to think and pray which has been very good actually. I've come to the conclusion that there is no need to freak out about this. Yes being told you have cancer and undergoing 2 surgeries within 3 days is a lot to wrap your mind around but knowing my God is bigger than all of this is so comforting. Am I upset and a little heartbroken about my cancer diagnosis....of course. Am I going to let it control and rule my life...heck no. I've already seen God using this to affect other people's lives in a positive way and that in and of itself is really cool to be a part of. God is also using this to teach me how to rely on others and to remind me of the fact that although I may not have any biological family here in Palm Coast, that I do have a very extensive and caring family of friends that anyone would be thrilled to have.

I'm sure I'm going to have my up and down moments but for right now I'm doing quite well. God has provided for us financially and with physical help as well. He has been faithful and kept His promises and He can be trusted. I don't know how anyone goes through stuff like this without their Heavenly Father. He has been and will continue to be my biggest source of strength.

I just have to brag on our friends and my husband for a few minutes because I know they won't do it themselves. Brian has been so so wonderful during all of this. He has been attentive, loving, caring and so gentle. He has been in tuned to every need I have and done his absolute best to meet those needs. Besides God, Brian has been a huge source of strength for me. I could not ask for a better person to walk side by side with me during this journey. I know it hurts him to see me going through all of this. I know he would take it from me and do it all himself in a heartbeat if he could. We've always had a great marriage but right now it is truly at one of it's strongest points. Thank you hunny for all you do. Thanks for loving me and being the husband God made you to be. You are such a blessing.

Now for our friends/family....they are awesome as well. Brian's mom has been here for over a week caring for Eric & Tyler. She has prepared meals, changed diapers, given baths, played with kids, ran errands, and so much more to help us out. Nothing like being thrown back into motherhood of two small children over night. We can never say thank you enough for all her help. From what one of my friends say we have 18 people wanting to bring us or send us meals...that's over a month of meals! Holy cow...tears just well up when I think of the support we have. We technically have no "family" here in town but let me tell you....you would never know it by the way people are stepping up. We had people come and sit with us at the hospital before I went it to surgery, they came and prayed with us. I'm forever grateful for those that came and kept Brian's company while he waited and brought him food when he couldn't leave the hospital. We've had numerous offers of childcare. We have a friend that is taking Eric to school for us on days that are just to hard for us to get him there. We have a couple of people coming to clean the house next week. Brian's work has also been fabulous. They have been so flexible and given him time off so he can be with me. I will be eternally grateful for that and for everyone's help, prayers, well wishes, and support. All anyone has to do is look at the people that are helping us and they can see Christ's love being lived out...they are being His hands and feet. It is so humbling to be the recipient of that and so awesome as well.

I love songs and their meanings so I decided to put a few lyrics here to end this post that I've been listening to today that have really stuck with me. Thanks everyone for everything...you all mean so much to me! :)

"You are not alone for I am here, Let me wipe away your every fear, My love I've never left your side, I have seen you through your darkest night, And I'm the One who's loved you all your life, all your life, Faithful and true forever, My love will carry you." Meredith Andrews-You're Not Alone

"I want to be your hands and feet, I want to live a life that leads, To see you set the captive free, Until the whole wrold hears, And I pray they will see more of you and less of me, Lord I want my life to be the song that sing." Casting Crowns-Until the Whold World Hears

"I am sinking in this river that is raging, I am drowning, Will I ever rise to breathe again, I wanna know why, I just wanna understand, Will I ever know why? How could this be from your hand? When every little thing that I have dreamed would be just slips away like water through my hands, And when it seems the walls of my beliefs are crashing down like they're all made of sand, I won't let go of You now, because I know, oh, You're not shaken. I am trembling in the darkness of my own fear, All the questions with no answers, so grip me while I'm here, And I may never know why, Oh I may not understand, But I will lift up my eyes, and trust this is your plan. When I am in the valley of the shadow of death, You're not shaken, You're not shaken, You are right here beside me and You have never left me." Phil Stacey-You're Not Shaken