6 months (just a litte more really) here I come!

Will warn you up front that I'm exhausted but can't sleep so this post will probably make very little sense! LOL! :)

All I have to say about the Ragnar Relay that I did this month with 11 other people is that it was extremely fun and painful all at the same time! LOL! I ran just over 15 miles of the relay (not all at once). Pretty happy about that considering I started running 6 weeks before the relay. There was definitely a feeling of accomplishment in doing it even if I wasn't able to run the full 17.6 miles I was supposed to. It was originally 13.8 miles and then someone got injured so I was bumped up but I was injured as well and had to ask for some help on my last leg. I loved the team aspect of it and getting to hang out with friends and make new ones as well. It will definitely be something I do again and I think Brian is going to do it next time as well. Yep, I'm addicted to running now and I'm getting others addicted to my madness as well. :) On a health note of it, I do have a damaged hip muscle (injured months ago when working out at the gym...just never healed) and have to stop running for about 2 weeks. We are hoping that will be all it takes to heal the muscle. If not then it is off to physical therapy but I'm already starting to feel somewhat better after the first few days of rest.

This week is going to be very eventful on the medical front for me. It is my 6 month checkup. On Monday & Tuesday I go for Thyrogen injections, Wednesday I get blood work and get to take a very small dose of radioactive iodine (completely safe levels this time to be with the kiddos and others), Thursday if my off day and finally Friday I have my whole body scan and more blood work. The whole body scan takes about 45 minutes to an hour. I have a hard time just laying still for that long if I can't nap during the process so this should be fun.

Please be praying for my nerves. I've had 2 surgeries this year where I have IV's both times and numerous blood draws and that stuff doesn't bother me but mention the word shot/injection and I start freaking out. I'm really not that worried about the actual results...just getting the injections! Haha! Although I am thankful I just have to get the injections instead of coming off my Synthroid and going hypothyroid again. That was no fun! I feel at peace about the results. I will find out about 2 weeks after the scan what the results are. If all is clear then I get to do another scan a year from now.

I cannot believe that just over 6 months have gone by! I was diagnosed on March 1st with cancer, had 2 surgeries in April, radioactive iodine therapy in May, finally got on a good dose of medicine in October and now I'm back to living a "normal" life in November.

I love the saying that "life is what happens while you are making plans." It is so true. I obviously did not plan this year in my journey but it has taken me places I never would have realized could be so wonderful if this hadn't happened. I'm way more appreciative of my family, friends and health then I have ever been. I am truly blessed!

A new adventure...

Wow...it's been awhile since I posted on here. The last few months have been a whirlwind but I couldn't really tell you what we have been doing besides the normal busyness of life with 2 little kids. News on the thyroid cancer front is good! I have changed endocrinologists and absolutely love my new one! She is a super super doctor! Very knowledgeable and great personality. Her staff is excellent too! My levels are still not right but we are getting closer thankfully.

I do have a new venture to inform people of. I have signed up to do the Ragnar Relay on November 19-20th! Just 7 months after a cancer diagnosis, 2 surgeries, and medical drama I have joined a bunch of crazies (I mean this very lovelingly by the way) from my church family to run a 200 mile relay across the state of Florida! Yikes! What was I thinking you ask? Well...we are doing this to raise awareness for Love146 ministries. Love146 ministries is attacking child sex trafficking and exploitation in 2 areas...prevention (stopping it completely) and after care for those that are rescued. For some reason God has placed this ministry firmly on my heart. I do not have little girls but I do have 2 little boys and some of these kids that are sold into sex slavery are no more than Eric's age (4 years old). It just breaks my heart and when God breaks your heart about something you need to sit up and listen. I invite all of you to check out their website which is http://www.love146.org/. It will be a life changing visit for sure.

During this venture which just started about 2 weeks ago for me I have happened upon some obstacles. When doing anything to possibly glorify God isn't that always the case? After my surgery I have had pain in my hips regularly. With thyroid disorders your joints can be affected and they just aren't what they would be normally. I was finding that when I would start working out or ramping up my workouts that my right hip would have horrible pain in it for a few days and then go away. I'm talking hard to walk and get out of bed pain. I was very scared that it could be the onset of arthritis of the rheumatoid kind as happens with some thyroid patients. When you've had cancer of any kind you can get a little paranoid I think.

After starting my running adventure I developed the pain again and this time it wouldn't go away. Off to my new primary care doctor I went. On a side note...I love him too! Fabulous doctor! Anyways...he ordered blood tests and xrays. The possible scenarios were anything from stress fracture in my hip and rheumatoid arthritis to tendonitis or bursitis. The day after my xrays and blood work was done he called me to let me know everything was normal and that I had just been living with a bad case of tendonitis or bursitis for the past few months. My thyroid levels were off which could cause the increase in pain and length of it as well. This was a major relief because I was allowed to start training for Ragnar again. He put me on 4 days of steroids and gave me prescription motrin to ease the pain. I am feeling better but can tell it is still there. I am hopefully going to see a massage therapist soon to see if she can help as well. I was able to run 2 miles today in about 21 minutes which is huge for me! My legs in the relay are 3.5 miles, 3.7 miles and 6.5 miles. As of now I'm just freaking out about the 6.5 mile leg...pray for me please! LOL!

Anyways...that is the brief update to my follow up cancer journey. I go back in November for another whole body scan. Thankfully I will not be allowed off my thyroid meds (my new doctor was in shock that it took so long for them to get me on it after my surgery) and will just be receiving thyrogen injections and a very small dose of radioactive iodine to do the scan. I am not thinking they will find anything of concern. My last CT scan of my lungs came back stable so that is wonderful news as well! That means I still have the spot but it hasn't grown. This is probably a result of an old infection. So all in all a very good update for me! I'm sure there will be more ups and downs along the way but I am thankful that I have my family, friends and even more importantly my God who is never shaken on my side! I'm going to end this post with a couple of scriptures that have been on my heart lately.

"Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:28-31 (This passage was open in the Bible at that the hospital where my mom passed away about 2 years ago this November...it has always been special to me. My mom found new strength in being with her Lord and Savior...I am finding new strength in trusting in Him completely.)

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:3-5

Update

I thought I should probably get on here an update my progress so far. Following all the crazy dosage problems I finally have had some bloodwork done as of last week. I do not go back to the doctor until July 7th but did pick up my results from the lab today. Results are in showing I am now hyperthyroid even on the 125mcg dose. I have no idea what the doctor will do when I go for my appointment. The next lower dose if the 112mcg I was on that had my at a hypothyroid level. Ugh. I do know that I cannot stay on this dose even though I do feel better than I did because I am not where I need to be. Last night it finally came to me that I may be on the hyper end of the spectrum after putting all the symptoms together (edgy, nervous, hair falling out, tiredness, hip pain, high resting heart rate, increased appetite, hard time sleeping) that I have been having for the past week.

I'm just praying that the 112mcg didn't have enough time to really work in my system (or that I was actually hyper on that dose and didn't know it)...either that or he can supplement me with another medicine as well. Not sure if that will help though as my T3 levels were normal. It is just my T4 (too high) and TSH (too low) levels that are off. I find it quite humorous that I went from a TSH of 123 to one of .12 now. Talk about a drastic swing in hormone levels. Just imagine being my poor husband and kids that have to put up with me! LOL!

After dealing with all of this I have been ready for some good news and have gotten it as of late. My whole body scan came back negative for thyroid cancer being anywhere else in my body! I found that one out early when I visited my pulmonologist a couple of weeks ago. Also my bloodwork shows my thyroglobulin levels being less than .2 which indicates there is no cancer left! Yay!

I do not want to be a negative nellie so I will say that I have been feeling so much better even with dealing with the hyper symptoms I have had as of late. Brian and I have been doing P90X which is a very intense workout program. Just a month ago I didn't think that would be possible and here we are 2 1/2 weeks into it and I'm getting back into the best shape I've been in for a long time. I am also able to go back to the gym and take my favorite classes again (Zumba & TRX). All in all I am doing sooooo much better and I'm so very thankful I'm able to enjoy my family again. I know that my journey is not over but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now.

Thanks again to all those that helped us and supported us through everything. We are so very thankful and grateful to our wonderful friends and family!

Follow up

Things have been a little crazy since I had my radioactive iodine treatment. Guess I should update on here what has been going on. This will probably be long since it has been almost a month since my last post.

The actual radioactive iodine treatment was pretty anticlimactic to tell the truth. It comes in the form of a small pill. You swallow it and that is it. All the hoopla we went through just for me to swallow a tiny pill. I did wear my radioactive shirt to take my pill though. The people at the radiology center just LOVED it. They were all very impressed with my friends for being so supportive. :)

After taking the pill I immediately left the building and went to my beach house getaway for the weekend. I am so thankful I stayed away longer than what was originally told to us. One of our friends had a geiger counter (measures radiation) that they let us borrow. I was definitely not safe to be around 2 days later, at least for the kids. I spent 3 nights by the beach and the 4th night away Brian booked me a suite with a jacuzzi tub at a local hotel. It was my Mother's Day present. I was safe to be near adults just not kids so it was fine for me to be at the hotel at that point. I have to say that being in isolation was pretty hard. I like to be around people even though I'm quiet so being completely away from anyone for that many days was rough. I got to catch up on my reading and movie watching though. :)

The day after swallowing the little pill that would kill any remaining thyroid cancer in my body I was able to start on my Synthroid. Let me tell you that was exciting because I knew finally I would start feeling better...or so we thought. I did feel better for about 4-5 days. I wasn't back to normal so we knew it wasn't the right dose but I was feeling better. After those 4-5 days though my symptoms starting worsening instead of leveling off. We finally called my doctor on May 18th to see if this was normal. We wanted to get blood work done so we could get my dose upped if need be. After much persistence again we finally got a hold of someone. However, they just upped my dose without performing any blood work. I was a little leery but figured they know what they are doing. I went from 112mcg to 150mcg, skipping 2 doses in between there.

I started taking my new dose on May 21st and by that Sunday, the 23rd, I was starting to feel funny. I thought I was catching a virus that Eric had that weekend because I was running a fever. By Sunday afternoon though my fever was gone which was odd. On the 24th I started getting pretty tired again and lots of body aches especially in my hips and legs again. I thought for sure that my dose was to low once again which freaked me out because there are only 3 higher doses they can prescribe me. The next day I felt a little better. On Wednesday the 26th I was hit with a horrible migraine and extreme fatigue. It was so bad I cancelled the boys swim lessons and called a friend to come watch the boys because I could not get out of bed. The next day I still had a headache but it wasn't a migraine thankfully. I also started running a fever again and could feel my anxiety levels creeping up. By now I'm getting a little frustrated. Yesterday is when the most tell tale symptoms hit and when we really figured out the most likely problem. I woke up extremely fatigued and sweating. It is rare for me to be hot. I still took Eric to a field trip though and had a great time with friends. By the time we got home though my heart was racing and I was having a hard time breathing. That is when we pulled out the instructions that come with my medicine. Sure enough I have been having a ton of symptoms of being over medicated or overdosing. The racing heart is what really gave it away to me as that is a big sign of hyperthyroidism. By 3pm it had eased up but then my hip, leg and knee pain was off the charts. Then that evening my heart started racing again and I had to go to sleep at 6:30pm I was so fatigued (another sign of hyperthyroid...funny since it is a sign of hypo as well). I finally started feeling better by 8pm. Also I lost 2 lbs in less than 24 hours yesterday which is a big sign of being over medicated as well. Some weight loss is normal but rapid weight loss is not.

Of course my doctor's office is closed on Fridays and won't be open until Tuesday. We also have no way of getting a hold of him after hours which is just not right in my opinion. The only number they leave you with is 911 in case of an emergency. Very helpful if I was dying but I wasn't. Thankfully I have a new doctor lined up but can't get in until August. I am just praying she gets some cancellations so I can go in earlier. Since we couldn't get a hold of my doctor we just decided to cut my dose back. He had given me some samples of 125mcg to take so I took one of those this morning. I am feeling so much better it is unbelievable. I still have a tiny headache and I'm a little tired but nothing else is wrong. My fever is gone, heart rate is normal and my leg pain is gone. We will see how the next few days progress as it seems to be about 4-5 days into a new dose that we can tell what is going to happen.

I found out after all of this happens that a doctor should never mess with your dosage until you have lab work done and they probably shouldn't up your dosage by so much at one time. All he had to do was order blood work and then up my dose by one increment and see what happened and we would have avoided all of this. Synthyroid is a type of medicine that the proper dose is very close to the toxic dose so upping my medicine by so much was just not responsible in my opinion.

So now we just wait and see what to do next. I had my whole body scan on the 20th and will find out the results at my next appointment which isn't until July 7th. The body scan will tell us where the iodine was soaked up in my body which tells us where there was additional thyroid tissue which potentially could have contained cancer. This tissue will have been killed off by the iodine. My blood work will be done the last week of June and we will be watching my Thyroglobulin levels closely. If they are under a certain number then I am cancer free but if they are higher than normal then we may have to undergo another round of radioactive iodine. That will be the last you hear me mention that as I refuse to go down that road of thinking. :)

Overall I am so happy to have most of this behind me. While the journey after my iodine treatment is not what I would have wished for it has taught me some very important lessons on knowing your own body and trusting yourself to know when something just isn't right. On June 25th we are having a Thank You party for all those people that pitched in and helped us or supported us in some way during all this time. I am so looking forward to this. To be able to serve those (even in this small way) that have served me and my family is such a privilege. Plus I love a good party! :)

Treatment today!

Well hello everyone....today is the day! My radioactive iodine (RAI) treatment day! Yipee! While I have some qualms about swallowing a pill that comes in a 50lb lead box surrounding it to minimize the handlers exposure to radiation (LOL), I am looking forward to hopefully being done with my treatment after this. My RAI is at 2pm today in Daytona Beach. After that I will be off to a friend's vacant house that is just 2 blocks off the beach. This is going to be a rough isolation period. Haha! I will be away until Monday morning. I also get to start on my starting dosage of Synthroid 24 hours after treatment. After 4 weeks they will be upping my dosage to see how I handle it. We are hoping this will start to take affect within 24 hours. I also get to go off my low iodine diet 24 hours after my treatment. Brian is bringing me a big slice of cheese pizza and some garlic knots from Tony's Pizza in Flagler Beach. Yummy! :) About 14 days after treatment I will go in for a full body scan to see how everything worked. This will show if any thyroid tissue had spread through my body during this whole process and if so it will also show if there is any remaining that needs to be retreated. We just aren't going with that thought at all though. :)

I will be off my computer until Monday morning so if you need me for anything you can call Brian at the house and he can relay a message to me or you are welcome to call my cell phone.

Thanks again for everyone's love, support, prayers, help, meals, babysitting, errand running, gift cards, flowers, cards, housecleaning, etc. I could go on and on! The outpouring of love we have been shown has been overwhelming in such a wonderful way. God is good all the time. No matter what our situation He is there to meet us and walk us through it if we allow Him to. This past week I was able to get MercyMe's new album on iTunes. It is called The Generous Mr. Lovewell. There are 2 songs specifically that I love (the whole cd is awesome) and are so helpful to me during this time. If you want I highly recommend you checking the album out and the songs called Move and also Beautiful. Great great songs that will speak to your heart in times of need or discouragement.

I also uploaded a photo of myself in a shirt my friend's had made for me in honor of my RAI treatment. I am so wearing this today to my appointment! I also put the card they made for me up as well. They are a great group of gals for sure!

There are a few things I would love prayer for if you don't mind praying.

1. Complete healing...that this radioactive iodine will be soaked up by any remaining thyroid tissue in my body and that it will kill it off.
2. For my medicine to start working immediately so I can begin feeling better.
3. For any anxiety or fear that may creep in while I'm alone.
4. For Brian and the boys to have a fabulous time while I have to be away from them.

Validation thankfully

Went and had my blood drawn this morning. The girl that did it is a thyroid cancer survivor of 10 years. I met her last time I was at the lab. I told her the situation with my doctor's office putting me off and she told me to come back in 2 hours and she would have my results ready for me. She is my new favorite person. :) I go back and pick up my results which were only partially ready but had the number I needed thankfully. My doctor wanted my TSH level above 30 to do the radioactive iodine without my injections. Guess what...it was 123.74! While it is not good for it to be that high it certainly felt good to get some validation that I am not crazy and there is a reason I feel so bad all of a sudden. Normal TSH levels are supposed to be between .34 & 5.60. Some doctors even want it under 2 for it to be considered normal. I don't even want to think about how bad it is going to be next week or until I can get on my thyroid medication. Just imagine if I had waited 4 weeks to do my iodine treatment! The other test that was ready was my Free T4 levels. It was at less than .25 and normal is between .61 & 1.12.

I called the doctor's office with my results and told them they could call to get the report faxed to them because me telling them was obviously not good enough. I could hear the nurse in the background as the receptionist to repeat the number. Then I heard her say "it's how high!?" Yea lady...this is why you listen to your patients when they call and say they are feeling horrible. However, all that being said I never did get a phone call from my doctor today. The levels are really way high and way low when you look at the T4 and can cause some potentially dangerous complications for me but I have a feeling my doctor didn't even see the results. The receptionist was not to friendly when I called back at 4:30 today to check on the progress and she said the doctor hadn't signed off on them yet so they couldn't tell me anything. Whatever. They will be hearing from me in the morning for sure. Now don't freak out about the complications because I know what to look for and will immediately call for help if I need it. :)

I'm feeling okay today. Better than yesterday by far thankfully. My energy was horrible this morning but came back some this afternoon and evening. I only had one bout of pain today and that was short lived an in my shoulder instead of hip today. I've had some dizzy spells but not as many. My lack of focus had one bad time but came back fairly quickly thankfully. As I'm typing this I can feel the energy leaving my body though so I have a feeling an early bedtime for me will be in order. I had some friends over this evening to help clean which was wonderful. They did a great job and the kids all got to play together and have a fun evening. I started my low iodine diet today. After a rough morning with it (I didn't have anything in the house I could eat) I was able to go to the store and get some things I needed. I even made homemade peanut butter today. It is delicious! I may never buy jarred peanut butter again! :)

Oh get this...after having my blood drawn and going through all the runaround with my doctor's office about the injections which I don't even need now, CVS calls and tells me they need me to authorize delivery of the injections to my doctor's office for tomorrow or the next day. I just started laughing when I talked to the woman. She also informed me that it will be 100% covered by my insurance as we have met our deductible and out of pocket expense maximum for the year. What in the world was the hold up then...I'm guessing it had to do with my doctor's office. Whatever...at least it is all straightened out now.

Okay...I am seriously out of energy all of a sudden so I am going to have to stop this post for now. All in all I am happy that my levels show that I am indeed not crazy and this stuff is not in my head and we are not blowing things out of proportion. Now if I can just get my doctor to call me back so we can get my radioactive iodine scheduled all would be well.

Symptoms ramping up...time to put the pressure on the doc

This morning I woke to no energy at all to start my day off. I've had intervals (very short) throughout the day of some energy but for the most part the entire day was a no energy day. By mid morning I started experiencing hip joint pain and weakness along with dizzy spells. Not good. I cannot care for the kids all day in this condition when Brian has to go on a trip. At one point I just laid in bed and cried (yes, I had a pity party) because I couldn't force myself out of bed. So instead of waiting for the doctor's office to call us, which probably would have taken until 2-3 weeks from now, Brian called them. Have I ever said how much I love my man?! He is my knight in shining armor.

This process was supposed to take 3-4 weeks total but was now looking like it would be a 6-8 week journey instead. Brian called this morning and still hadn't gotten a call back by this afternoon other than the office manager giving him the runaround this morning. He called again and got a hold of one of the nurses. He told her my symptoms and she said if I was in that rough of shape I needed to be seen. Duh...they can't do anything for me unless they start my treatment! He finally got my doctor on the phone. He explained that this Friday will be 3 weeks since surgery and we were told everything would be done within 4 weeks. The hold up apparently is that they are waiting on insurance approval to get my Thyrogen injections ordered. They haven't even placed the order yet! So now the plan has changed due to my symptoms. I go for blood work tomorrow morning. If my TSH levels are above 30 we will skip the Thyrogen injections altogether. I start my low iodine diet tomorrow. Now banking on my levels being above 30 (with my symptoms and the fact that 4 days after surgery they were 13-14 seems to be the case) we will either get my radioactive iodine by the end of next week or at the beginning of the following week. If my levels aren't at 30 or higher then I have to wait longer.

I'm thinking that even though my symptoms are worse that I will delay it until after May 6th and hopefully until May 10th. May 6th is a Mother's Day program at Eric's school that I refuse to miss and May 9th is Mother's Day. It would stink to not be with my boys then because I could be radioactive. So May 10th is a better day for me even though it means I have to endure the side effects a little longer. If you all could be praying for this that would be wonderful!

Other than all that junk, today was a fun day. My Uncle Winky & Aunt Martha came up to visit us today and took us out to lunch. Thankfully I had one of the short bouts of energy during their visit and was able to have a great time. The boys loved seeing them and didn't want them to leave. :) I can't wait to get all this treatment stuff behind me so I can get on some medication to feel better and go see my family. We miss all of you guys down in Avon Park! Right now with my energy levels so low I just can't drive or make long trips even with Brian with me. Hopefully that will be over soon though.

I was thinking today that I'm not going to know what to do when I get on medication. I'll actually have energy. I haven't had normal levels of energy in about 3 years now, possibly longer. We think that is how long I've had the thyroid cancer....3-4 years! It is a miracle that Tyler is even here when I really sit down and think about it. I discovered the lump while pregnant with him. Miscarriages are a symptom of hypothyroidism. Who knows...I could have had it longer based on my miscarriage (Jan 2005) before having Eric (Jan 2006) and then having so many issues in the first trimester with Eric. The cancer acts like normal thyroid in blood tests so my levels all appeared normal for so long when they really weren't. So anyway, with medication who knows what I will be able to accomplish....more energy, better moods, fit into my skinny pants! :)

So even if it was a bad day in regards to my symptoms I'm glad I was able to visit with family and finally see some progress from the doctor's office. We will seriously be considering switching doctors once this is past us. He is a great doctor but unless he is going to get staff that cares or tries to act like they care I can't stay there. This is another huge prayer request we have.

Thanks everyone for all the love and support! And as I told a friend today...if it ever appears I'm whining or complaining feel free to tell me to shut my mouth! I don't mind telling people what I'm going through but I refuse to be a negative Nellie about it all because God is good all the time no matter what our circumstances. I will find my joy in Him who loves me and supplies all my needs and is ever faithful and beside me at all times. Love you all!

Still waiting....

Ugh...I am so frustrated. My endocrinologist's office said they would call me on Monday and let me know when I needed to start my diet. Well when Wednesday came around and I didn't hear anything I called and left a message for them. I got a message back saying they would call me when the medicine for my injections come in and then I'll start my diet. So now I have no idea how long it will be before I start the diet and get my dose of radioactive iodine. It wouldn't be a big deal except I cannot start on thyroid medication until I have this done. The symptoms of hypothyroid are not fun to deal with and I would rather not have to deal with them for an extended period of time if I don't have to. Now this is where God hits me over the head with how minor this is in comparison to what a lot of people I know are dealing with. As I'm typing this I am listening to David Crowder Band's song called You Are My Joy....I got it God...okay! :)

I've had quite a few people ask me what the lack of a thyroid does to you. There is a whole list of symptoms of hypothyroid (low thyroid levels or in my case none at all) but these are the ones I am dealing with. If you want a complete listing of them just google hypothyroid symptoms. The main one is being tired all the time. I wake up feeling like I haven't slept more than 4 hours. Then throughout the day there is the inevitable energy crashes. This is when my lack of energy is very pronounced. I get a very heavy feeling in my limbs of pure exhaustion and can hardly keep my eyes open. This lasts anywhere from half an hour up to 2 hours or so. Not good when I'm home alone with the kids but we make do with tv time when these happen. Today was a good day and I only had one of those crashes right around 6pm that lasted about 2 hours. Another one that is really frustrating to me is weight gain. I've worked my tush off to lose 15 lbs this year and this week managed to put 1/3 of it back on...yes I gained 5 lbs in a week! No I was not binging on junk food either. I dread getting up in the morning because I never know if I will be the same weight, weigh less or the dreaded weighing more and not fitting into my clothes. Along with this comes depression. This is another symptom I'm experiencing of being hypo. It isn't bad but I have my good times and some bad ones as well. I knew this could happen though and that has helped me get through them better than I would have normally. Other symptoms that I've experienced but haven't been to bad so far is dry skin and loss of hair. Thankfully I have a very thick head of hair because there are days where my tub looks like you shaved my head. Okay....so I had to come back on here because I forgot to add 2 more things I am dealing with. One is cold intolerance. The minute the air turns down from 78 to 76 in our house I'm looking for something warm to put on. And the funniest thing of all that I forgot to add originally to this post is.....forgetfulness! LOL! Yes, absentmindedness or mental fogginess is a symptom...go figure! Haha!

Okay enough of the bad stuff. The good stuff is that I have a wonderful group of people around me that have been incredibly helpful! We've had meals provided for us by those near and far and they are being continued for the next week or so. Friends and family that are far away have sent gift cards for restaurants and supermarkets which have been great as well! We've had people come clean our house and others offer to help clean and those that are paying to have a professional come clean as well. This is a HUGE burden lifted off of us! When I have energy I want to spend that time with Brian and the kids and not on household chores. I also don't want Brian spending his time on that if he doesn't have to. I would rather him be able to relax and enjoy time with the kids when he is home instead of picking up the slack in the household area. We had one friend that came over everyday last week after work when Brian was gone to help me in the evenings (my worst part of the day) and get the kids in bed for me. I could keep listing the kinds of help that we've had it's so amazing. I will one day catch up with all the thank you notes I promise! Just know if you are one of those people that I so appreciate it! All the cards, flowers and prayers are awesome as well. They are such great pick me up throughout the day!

Oh yeah...quite a few of my family members and friends were wondering about my incision site. I'll have to upload some pictures but it really looks great. All the steri strips are off now and over time I have a feeling there is going to be very little scarring. It is nice to have the steri strips off because it cuts down on the amount of staring I get when I go out. :) I had a few people brave enough to ask me what happened which I actually appreciated. I would much rather them ask than stare and wonder. I can only imagine what was going through their heads....did she get into a knife fight with her husband...they look so happy together...can't be! LOL! :) My favorite was by a pastor at our church. Since I hadn't heard any good comments from people I asked a couple of people at the church office for some....one said that my husband must be a real cut throat. :) I liked it and may use it when a stranger asks me what happened. I can just imagine the looks I'll get. Haha! Just so you don't think this pastor was insensitive...I used to work for our church and know all of the pastors pretty well. We are blessed to go to a great church with great staff that are laid back and personable...you know...they are real people! :)

Okay...I need to get some sleep tonight. Poor Tyler has been dealing with strep throat and not sleeping. I believe we are past it now so I'm going to take advantage of what I hope will be a good night's sleep. :)

Nighty night!

Good news and treatment plan

All right, the last two days have been very busy but loaded with information and good news. :) I will warn you now...this is a LONG post.

First off I visited my pulmonologist (lung specialist) on Tuesday. He was concerned about my thyroid cancer being related to the spot on my lung and has referred me to an oncologist (cancer specialist). I saw the oncologist today and loved her. I wish she could be my primary doctor I liked her so much. The good news is she thinks that spot on my lung has absolutely nothing to do with my thyroid or any other type of cancer. She said if you lined up 100 healthy people and did a CT scan of them that 60 of the scans would come out looking like mine. She said the spot is 3mm or smaller which is very very very tiny. She recommended we do a repeat scan in 6 months just to ease our minds. She said to definitely not do a PT scan because it wouldn't be accurate. Apparently the spot has to be about 1cm before the scan would be helpful. She said I do not need to see her again and has given that case back to the pulmonologist. I'm pretty sure he will do another scan in 3 months just to ease his mind which is fine with me.

Yesterday I went to my surgeon. He had the pathology lab reports back on the left side of my thyroid and my lymph nodes...they are BENIGN!! Yay!!! More good news is my calcium levels were good. There was some parathyroid tissue on the sample sent to pathology so at least one was damaged but since my calcium is good then that means I have enough healthy ones to function properly. So it looks like the cancer was just contained in that one nodule that was on the isthmus and right thyroid gland. Other than that I am to start putting Neosporin on my incision and when I go back in a month he will then let me put on a scar healing product. The stitches should go away on their own and the steri strips will come off as well. He said that if they were bothering and still not off in 2 weeks just to take them off. Guess I shall have to part with my "necklace" sooner or later. :) What I am looking forward to is not sleeping propped up. I should be able to do that in a day or so. I know my neck and back will thank me when I can sleep normally.

After my surgeon appointment I went to the endocrinologist (thyroid specialist). He was not happy that they took the thyroid out in 2 surgeries instead of the one that he recommended but whatever. I'm not upset about it. Who knows what kind of complications from vocal chord nerves and parathyroid glands that could have happened. God allows things for a reason and I'll follow His lead any day. :) On to treatment. Not sure the exact dates (we'll find out on Monday) but it should happen over the next 3-4 weeks. I will be on a low iodine diet for 10-14 days to help starve my body of iodine. Thyroid tissue loves iodine and it is the only tissue in the body that uses it to work. When I get the iodine 2 weeks later we want it to readily suck it up. :) Towards the end of the diet I will be given 2 shots of a drug called Thyrogen over 2 days time. The drug helps stimulate my brain in trying to produce thyroid hormones making it even hungrier for the iodine. On the third day I will be given a pill of radioactive iodine. Any remaining thyroid tissue will be starving for it and gobble it up for lack of a better term. It will then die due to the iodine being radioactive. After that I am technically a thyroid cancer survivor. Yay! :) This is where I constantly hear the song "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child played over and over again in my head. LOL...yes I'm weird...so what! :)

Here is where the tricky part comes in. My endo thinks that I should just go home after being given the radioactive iodine and not be kept in the hospital even though I have 2 small children. The oncologist we saw today said if it were her she would be away from the kids for 2-3 days. We are going to be calling the radiology place that will be administering the iodine and find out what dosage it will be if they can tell us at this point. They may not be able to tell us until I start my Thyrogen injections. Once we get that info we will make a decision but I do believe we are leaning towards me not being near the kids if possible just to be on the safe side. Please be praying for wisdom regarding this. Brian has a ton of hotel points saved up so I may stay at a hotel here in town and have a mini vacation and just make sure I stay away from kids and pregnant women. I would actually look forward to that. I would miss my kids but it would be a true break for sure. :)

After all of that is done I will then start on thyroid medication. We are not sure what type yet. We have 2 different options. A synthetic drug called Synthroid that is a T4 hormone or a natural med usually known as Armour which is a T4 & T3 hormone. I've heard good and bad about both. I have friends on Synthyroid that are fine and doing great and have no problems and I have friends that switched from Synthyroid because they were not doing well on it to Armour and now they are doing great. I also know people on Synthyroid that weren't doing well but their doctors gave them a T3 drug to take with the Synthroid and that seemed to help. It seems to be a person by person case on what works good and what doesn't. We would just ask for prayers regarding making this decision. I usually lean towards anything natural but I am not against traditional medications either. I would just like to get the facts on both drugs so we can make an unbiased decision. Now knowing that Armour is made up of pig thyroid is a little gross to me but if we choose that one I'll just make sure I try not to snort to much when something funny is said. LOL! I know...corny...sorry couldn't help it. :) This part seems to be like motherhood where you stress about every little decision you make because you think it reflects on you as a person and someone may think you are off your rocker if you do something different than them. Argh!!! LOL! After all this is finally figured out I will have regular checkups with my endo to get the medicine dosage correct and to keep an eye out to make sure the cancer does not come back. There is a 30% recurrence rate to thyroid cancer. We are praying I never have a repeat of it but if I do it will be another dose of radioactive iodine I believe.

Anyway...decision aside I am so glad to have the worst of this behind me. I am not looking forward to the injections but I do believe 2 surgeries in 3 days is way more painful than 2 injections in 2 days. I think I may be up to the task. :)

Everyone is asking me how I feel. EXHAUSTED, EXHAUSTED, EXHAUSTED. My body has realized there is no thyroid there any longer. I am also starting to not tolerate cold well or things that would usually not be cold to me (like 77 degrees in our house) has me buried under covers...well that and wanting to go to bed at 7pm as well. LOL! Oh yeah...I am also forgetful and absentminded. Please do not be offended if I ask you things several time. Today I went to pick up Eric from school and left the garage door up and the door leading to our house unlocked. Fabulous...I never do things like that. I also left the kids milk on the counter that I was going to take to our friends house when she watched them today but of course the cups remained on the counter and never made it to the car. I also left my wallet in the car in plain view of anyone that wanted it. These may not seem like big things but for them all to happen in the course of 1 hour had me highly frustrated. Surgery wise I am feeling really good. I have regained a lot of mobility in my neck. It still kind of hurts a little to cough, laugh or talk a lot but for the most part I am back to normal regarding that. I just have another week of no lifting to really worry about. I cannot wait to get back into the gym. Now having no energy may keep me away from it as frequently as I was going before but I would like to get back a couple of days a week. So far this year I've lost 15 lbs....10lbs of which came off after my thyroid cancer diagnosis (the first one). Nothing like stress to take the weight off right? :) Now I'm just hoping to maintain this weight as a side effect of hypothyroid is weight gain or the ability not to lose weight until I get on my medicine. After that then I hope to get the last 5-10 lbs off.

The cool thing is we are having meals being provided every other day for us and next week while Brian is away in training we have some friends that have offered to come stay the night with me a few nights. I am going to take them up on that one to as I really crash about 5pm...not good when the kids bedtime is 7:30pm. Other people have offered to come over after work and help me out as well which is awesome. I still can't get over the fact that so many people are helping us in so many ways. I just love being a part of God's family. :)

Alright...I know this was a long one. Next post I will try and be good and keep it short. Just a lot of information to get out there tonight.

Roller coaster

Well...I am actually writing without any news to share. I just happened to read through all my blog posts since the beginning of our journey and it struck me that we have been on quite the physical and emotional roller coaster ride. I don't have much on my plate at this moment but resting in bed so reading and playing sudoku have kept me busy. :) The funny thing is I absolutely hate roller coasters. I'm not usually the thrill seeker type of gal! LOL! Guess God decided I needed things shaken up a bit. :)

I do believe the enormity of my diagnosis has finally started to sink in today. The fact that this is the "good" cancer to have is helping to ease my mind but it is still hard to swallow a cancer diagnosis. I've had all day to myself to think and pray which has been very good actually. I've come to the conclusion that there is no need to freak out about this. Yes being told you have cancer and undergoing 2 surgeries within 3 days is a lot to wrap your mind around but knowing my God is bigger than all of this is so comforting. Am I upset and a little heartbroken about my cancer diagnosis....of course. Am I going to let it control and rule my life...heck no. I've already seen God using this to affect other people's lives in a positive way and that in and of itself is really cool to be a part of. God is also using this to teach me how to rely on others and to remind me of the fact that although I may not have any biological family here in Palm Coast, that I do have a very extensive and caring family of friends that anyone would be thrilled to have.

I'm sure I'm going to have my up and down moments but for right now I'm doing quite well. God has provided for us financially and with physical help as well. He has been faithful and kept His promises and He can be trusted. I don't know how anyone goes through stuff like this without their Heavenly Father. He has been and will continue to be my biggest source of strength.

I just have to brag on our friends and my husband for a few minutes because I know they won't do it themselves. Brian has been so so wonderful during all of this. He has been attentive, loving, caring and so gentle. He has been in tuned to every need I have and done his absolute best to meet those needs. Besides God, Brian has been a huge source of strength for me. I could not ask for a better person to walk side by side with me during this journey. I know it hurts him to see me going through all of this. I know he would take it from me and do it all himself in a heartbeat if he could. We've always had a great marriage but right now it is truly at one of it's strongest points. Thank you hunny for all you do. Thanks for loving me and being the husband God made you to be. You are such a blessing.

Now for our friends/family....they are awesome as well. Brian's mom has been here for over a week caring for Eric & Tyler. She has prepared meals, changed diapers, given baths, played with kids, ran errands, and so much more to help us out. Nothing like being thrown back into motherhood of two small children over night. We can never say thank you enough for all her help. From what one of my friends say we have 18 people wanting to bring us or send us meals...that's over a month of meals! Holy cow...tears just well up when I think of the support we have. We technically have no "family" here in town but let me tell you....you would never know it by the way people are stepping up. We had people come and sit with us at the hospital before I went it to surgery, they came and prayed with us. I'm forever grateful for those that came and kept Brian's company while he waited and brought him food when he couldn't leave the hospital. We've had numerous offers of childcare. We have a friend that is taking Eric to school for us on days that are just to hard for us to get him there. We have a couple of people coming to clean the house next week. Brian's work has also been fabulous. They have been so flexible and given him time off so he can be with me. I will be eternally grateful for that and for everyone's help, prayers, well wishes, and support. All anyone has to do is look at the people that are helping us and they can see Christ's love being lived out...they are being His hands and feet. It is so humbling to be the recipient of that and so awesome as well.

I love songs and their meanings so I decided to put a few lyrics here to end this post that I've been listening to today that have really stuck with me. Thanks everyone for everything...you all mean so much to me! :)

"You are not alone for I am here, Let me wipe away your every fear, My love I've never left your side, I have seen you through your darkest night, And I'm the One who's loved you all your life, all your life, Faithful and true forever, My love will carry you." Meredith Andrews-You're Not Alone

"I want to be your hands and feet, I want to live a life that leads, To see you set the captive free, Until the whole wrold hears, And I pray they will see more of you and less of me, Lord I want my life to be the song that sing." Casting Crowns-Until the Whold World Hears

"I am sinking in this river that is raging, I am drowning, Will I ever rise to breathe again, I wanna know why, I just wanna understand, Will I ever know why? How could this be from your hand? When every little thing that I have dreamed would be just slips away like water through my hands, And when it seems the walls of my beliefs are crashing down like they're all made of sand, I won't let go of You now, because I know, oh, You're not shaken. I am trembling in the darkness of my own fear, All the questions with no answers, so grip me while I'm here, And I may never know why, Oh I may not understand, But I will lift up my eyes, and trust this is your plan. When I am in the valley of the shadow of death, You're not shaken, You're not shaken, You are right here beside me and You have never left me." Phil Stacey-You're Not Shaken

Post surgery #2

Whew....I'm finally back home and in my own bed. Yay! I went in for my second surgery to remove the rest of my thyroid yesterday around 5pm or so. The surgeon was successfully able to remove the left side of my thyroid and about 5 lymph nodes without any complications. He was very pleased with the results. I should find out this Friday at my followup appointment if the left side was also malignant and if it had spread to any lymph nodes. The surgeon said in about 70% of cases if one side of the thyroid is malignant then the other side is as well. Now onto the next steps.

First step is to rest and recover. I did fine after the surgery but they sent me to the ICU just as a precaution since I had underwent 2 surgeries in less than a week. By morning I didn't get my pain meds in time and that is when my pain kicked in big time. We were finally able to get it under control though IV drugs which act instantly and later they were able to give me the actual pain pill an hour early to make sure the IV didn't wear off. After that I was good and have been since. My voice is scratchy and soft but that will improve over the next few days. It is nice to be at home with my family. I missed the boys so much. I can't interact with them alot but at least I'm in the same house with them.

My next appt is Tuesday with the pulmonologist. I'm not exactly sure what will be discussed then since the diagnosis is now cancer but we shall find out soon enough. I may just ask them to move my CT scan up a little earlier and repeat it more frequently and go from there. Wednesday I see my endocrinologist where we will discuss the rest of my thyroid treatment. Right now we are guessing my options are to start thyroid meds now so I can feel okay while recovering and then stop the meds to undergo the radioactive iodine treatment or I can put off going on meds and do the treatment sooner. From what my surgeon said the side effects of my thyroid being gone should start kicking later next week. Prayers for wisdom with this decision are greatly appreciated. Friday I go back to see my surgeon just to have my calcium levels checked.

So what does the radioactive iodine therapy involve? It really depends on my dosage and the procedure of the hospital. From my understanding (I'll know more Wednesday) I will be given a pill of radioactive iodine and kept in isolation for 3 days. Not fun but necessary. Not sure what we will do once I'm released as it will still not be a good idea for me to be around the kids. The actual radioactive iodine will seek out and kill any remaining thyroid tissue and thyroid cancer in my body and kill it off.

Okay...pain meds are making me a bit incoherent so I believe I'll cut this entry short at the moment. Thank you all for the continued prayers, help, and support. It is all greatly appreciated! God has been so good through this entire thing. When I was in so much pain today before the pain meds decided to work I just laid in bed, closed my eyes and began praying for relief from the pain and for rest along with for a few specific people that came to mind. God did not let me down He met me in my pain and got me through it until the pain meds finally kicked in.

Will update more later once I see the doctors this week. Love you all!

It's confirmed...now on to curing it

I haven't posted in awhile because things got so darn hectic around here for a few weeks. A good kind of hectic though. We did lots of fun things with the boys and had family in town over spring break.

As most of you know my surgery was postponed until April 6th. I've been home for a few days and recovering. The doctor took out the right side of my thyroid and the isthmus. They were sure it wasn't cancer and decided to stop the operation there. I responded well to the surgery and had no complications thankfully. I did have some issues with trying to get pain meds worked out properly but we finally have one that doesn't make me itch all over. Good news is that I haven't had any pain meds in over 8 hours and I'm feeling fine. :)

On to the not so good news. My doctor called last night to tell me that the results came back from pathology and it actually was papillary carcinoma. That is the most common type of thyroid cancer. This means I have to go through another surgery today sometime. We aren't sure what time that will be. In surgery they will remove the left side of my thyroid and possibly some lymph nodes to examine them to see if the cancer has spread. Thyroid cancer is usually contained to the thyroid but if it does spread the first areas it goes to is the lymph nodes or possibly the lungs. Now obviously that spot on my lung has me a little more freaked out than I was but we will handle that next week when we see the pulmonologist.

People have been asking me how I feel and I have to say I'm a little angry I have to go through this surgery again and I'm also a little scared and anxious about it all. I believe that is all pretty normal. We were expecting a good report and to get that news was quite a shock. Brian is in the same boat as me on emotions.

Some specific prayer requests would be:
1. Pray for no damage to be done to the vocal chords or vocal chord nerves.
2. Pray that my remaining parathyroid glands will remain undamaged and not die off.
3. Pray that the cancer has not spread.
4. Pray for Dr. Bower...guidance, wisdom and that God would work through him during surgery.
5. Pray I will handle the anaesthesia well again and have no complications.
6. Pray that our childcare will workout during my recovery and during the time I have to have radioactive iodine treatment.
7. Pray for the boys...Tyler is especially having a hard time with me not being able to pick him up right now.

All that being said thyroid cancer is the most curable type of cancer you can have. My prognosis is very good. All this information has helped keep me somewhat calm. Knowing it is the "good" type of cancer still doesn't make having cancer any easier. I think I'm taking it harder this time around than I did the first time I was told I had it because I had gotten my hopes up that this potentially wasn't cancer. What can you do though? God is in control. He knew this would happen and it hasn't caught him off guard. He will continue to stay by my side as He has always done.

Thanks for all your continued prayers, love, help, and support! The outpouring of help has been really amazing and such a blessing!

Okay...as if my plate wasn't full enough

Well...as most of you know my surgery date has been rescheduled. Last week my tooth started hurting very bad. I went to the dentist hoping I would have a cavity filled and that would be that. Of course not...come on...haven't we figured out by now if something can go wrong it is bound to go wrong lately. LOL! I had to have a root canal. So I call my surgeon and of course my root canal is scheduled the day before my surgery and the surgeon wants to wait 2 weeks after the root canal to do the surgery. I can totally understand why but it is frustrating to keep having it moved back. Today was the day of the root canal and after the initial few hours following the root canal (those were not fun) I am doing very well now. So thankful for my wonderful husband who let me crash for 3 hours today. I so needed that!

So what else has been going on in life you ask. Well, besides keeping the auto parts store in business (my husband's car broke down on Saturday) along with half the doctors in Ormond Beach, Palm Coast and St. Augustine in business not too much! Haha! The joy off all the medical bills starting to roll in is almost too much for me to stand. That is okay though because God is continually showing up to provide for us and I know He will continue to do so.

My pulmonologist appointment went very well last week. He highly doubts that the spot on my lung is cancerous. It is so so so small they can't even biopsy it and if they preformed surgery to take it out they wouldn't be able to find it. So what we are going to do is have another CT scan at 3 months and see if it has grown. If it hasn't then we'll repeat the CT scan at 6 months. If it still hasn't changed or grown then we'll do one more CT scan at 12 months. Now if my thyroid surgery comes back as cancer then he may do a Pet (PT) Scan but only if my thyroid comes back cancerous. This scan entails me having to have a nuclear substance in my body and be subject to high amounts of radiation on the scan to see if the spot is "active". Right now with the spot being so small it may not show up at all and then I've subjected myself to a lot of stuff unnecessarily. He did say just by looking at the CT scan he didn't think my thyroid would turn out to be cancer. Mind you he didn't have the biopsy results but it still gave me a measure of more hope.

A lot of people have been asking how I'm feeling lately and to tell you the truth beside my tooth hurting like crazy this past week I'm doing pretty well. I am a little tired and showing some other signs of the hypothyroidism but I really do feel healthy which is great! I think I'm going to try and start back at the gym tomorrow. I miss it so much and so does my body and the scale. I was loving seeing the scale move down so quickly and now that it has stalled I'm not so thrilled. :) On a good note though our entire household has changed our eating habits and we are eating so much healthier! A lot more fruits and we are working on getting the kids to eat their veggies more. We have also cut out almost all of the artificial sweeteners and processed foods. We aren't being drastic or going overboard by any means but the few small changes we have made are definitely paying off.

Okay...going to call it a night...it's getting late. My prayers would obviously be for complete healing as always. Those prayers are working let me tell you! Also for my tooth to keep feeling better. For God's financial provision for us through all these car repairs and medical bills. Finally a huge praise for all my friends and family who are still so helpful and supportive!

Surgery date set

We finally have a firm surgery date...March 18th. I feel better now because I have a little bit of time to work on childcare stuff. Also I have a pulmonologist appointment this coming Thursday to start the process of checking on that little spot on my lung. I'll update on that as we go along as well. I'm really thankful they were able to get me in so quickly. It also works out well now since my surgery is the 18th and not tomorrow.

Today has been a good day overall. I've had to fight through a lot of fatigue but seem to be okay other than that. Brian is on the mend thankfully from that stomach bug he had. That was definitely no fun for him. Tomorrow I'm heading out with a friend for the afternoon to hang out. So looking forward to that girl time. :)

I just want to say thank you to everyone that has helped us out and those that are still planning on doing things that will just make our lives a little easier until all this is over with. You have no idea how much I appreciate everything from the help with the kids to the meals. All of it has been such a blessing! I do believe God has blessed me with the best set of friends and family. I'm also very blessed to be part of a group of believers who call themselves epic and live it out. :) Love you all so much!

Let the freaking out begin

Okay...it was only a matter of time right? You know...until I started freaking out. ARRRGGHH! Stupid me got on the internet and started looking up small spots on lungs...note to self...DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN! So first thing Monday morning we are calling my endocrinologist and getting a recommendation on who to see about the spot. Before you start freaking out along with me let me give a disclaimer...more than likely I'm way over reacting about absolutely nothing. I am only freaking out because I thought this is something we would have to have checked in say a year but I was wrong. Brian knew we would be on top of it quickly but figured I knew and didn't say anything. Okay...freak out session over.

Back to being calm and trusting in God. Sometimes I do forget that He is in control and will take care of me!

"Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases." Psalm 103:1-3

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. The Lord says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation. Psalm 91:1-3, 14-16

Also just figured out that Tyler's little 24 hour bug is highly contagious. Poor Brian is sick sick sick right now. Please be praying this will not last long for him and that it will not spread to Eric or myself. That is about it for our day. Even though it is ending on a bad note we did begin it on a good one by going to a friend's birthday party. The boys had a blast and really enjoyed being outside so much. We are so looking forward to the nicer weather that is supposed to be happening this week.

Encouraging yet frustrating news

I was able to meet with my surgeon today. I really liked him. He was very friendly and seemed very knowledgeable. While thyroid surgeries are not his specialty (he is a general surgeon) this is the area he prefers to work on and during his residency most of his surgeries were thyroid related. After looking at the biopsy report he said that it is suspicious of cancer but doesn't actually confirm cancer. This is not what my endocrinologist said but I'll take it. If there is a chance I don't have cancer...great! Now obviously if the biopsy is suspicious of it then there is a good chance it is cancer so here is our new game plan. Our surgeon will remove the half of the thyroid with the nodule in it. This is called a partial lobectomy. He will have a pathologist present during the surgery who will test that part of the thyroid right then and there. If he says it is cancer then the surgeon will remove the rest of the thyroid. Even if he says he is 95% sure that it is cancer we will remove the rest. If he can't tell and isn't sure we will stop surgery at that point and wait for results from a pathology lab to come back. If it comes back clear then we are done but if it comes back cancerous we would have to go back for another surgery to remove the rest of the thyroid.

As of right now we have a firm surgery date of March 18th but there is a possibility that it will be this coming Tuesday. We are waiting to hear from the surgeon's office on if another patient received cardiac clearance or not for their surgery. We will find out Monday what the definite day is.

As for my CT scan results my lymph nodes all look fine. He did say there was a very tiny spot on my lungs but it was so tiny that if the CT report hadn't pointed it out he wouldn't have seen it. He reassured me it could be something as simple as scar tissue from bronchitis or pneumonia I had in the past. He did recommend I have it followed though to see if it grows. That will come after my thyroid stuff is taken care of. One thing at a time please.

Another interesting thing is he said the lump on my neck wasn't actually on my thyroid but just above it. So during surgery he will be checking that out and if it is something concerning that will come out as well for testing. It could be something very simple as some thyroid cartliage though. My parathyroid levels are elevated as well so I may have some of those removed if they look suspicious as well. Parathyroid glands control the calcium in your body. If they are damaged then it can cause some major issues. The good news is my calcium levels are normal so this makes the surgeon think that the parathyroid glands may be just fine.

So all in all it was a good appointment. I'm so glad there is a chance that I am cancer free but at the same time I am back in the waiting game not knowing what is wrong. I am a little nervous and freaked out about having the surgery but there isn't much I can do about that. It has to be done so that is what we will do. Also I am feeling so much better today than I did yesterday. I do believe the rest of the iodine has filtered out of my system. I'm really tired because we were up all night with Tyler but other than that I'm much better.

My prayer now is that this is not cancer at all...that there is no cancer anywhere in my body...but rather something that is much easier and simpler to take care of. Also praying for my nerves as we wait for the surgery date and the results of the pathology on my thyroid. Praying for wisdom for my surgeon and for God to guide his hands.

Short and sweet....maybe

Just a quick update. I was able to get my CT scan done today. I thought they were doing it without the iodine contrast but apparently I was wrong. I had to have the contrast done and it didn't seem to bother me to much until I picked Eric up from school. By the time I got him I was exhausted. I was able to get Tyler to nap and Eric to rest so I caught a little bit of sleep but got hit by nausea as well. Not fun but what can you do. Tonight within the past 1/2 hour I've notice my neck is pretty stiff again and my throat is hurting along with my ears. I'm praying that I'm not having another flare up. Hopefully it is just another reaction to the iodine dye and I'll feel better in the morning.

Funny story about my CT scan. After all the hoopla of getting approved (which finally happened thankfully) for my scan I show up for my appointment and there is no electricity. Great. This is all over that section of town and parts of the 2 neighboring towns as well. The lady at the imaging center said they were told it would be on by 12:30pm. My appointment was at 10am. I went ahead and signed in and made a few phone calls to let my babysitters know I would be late and then sat down to wait. I decided to pray. I figured maybe God needed a reminder that He was capable of turning the electricity back on for us early. Haha! So I'm praying for less then a minute asking Him to help get the electricity going. I get up to make a phone call and on comes the power! Yay! :)

The highlight of my day (besides Brian coming home from his trip) was getting to hang out with some friends tonight. I was really tired and in quite a bit of pain for it but it was so much fun! It was really nice to get out and act normal and do normal things. I've been doing normal things but everything has seemed like in a dream at this point so it was nice to do something that felt like reality. Thanks to my wonderful hubby who walked in the door tonight and just took over the kids. That was just incredible.

The plan for tomorrow is to go to the chiropractor (I look forward to that day every week), do some grocery shopping, go meet my surgeon and decide when my surgery will be, and finally but most importantly we are getting to have dinner with some new friends. Brian is going to cook so at least they will eat well. :) At my appointment tomorrow I'm hoping to get my CT scan results. If I do I'll be sure to post them.

My prayer for tonight as always is for complete healing. I'm also praying my scan results will come back good with no spread of the cancer. Also praying that my stiffness and pain is not another flare up. Another one is to just be able to enjoy dinner with our friends tomorrow night. Finally for God to continue using this to glorify Himself.

Wow....still in shock

Let me first start by explaining why I have chosen to blog about my journey. I have found in the past that writing or blogging is pretty therapeutic for me. I do not claim to be a good writer though so I apologize in advance for that. :) Second I want a place that I can keep my family and friends informed of what is going on.

In case you don't know my name is Stacy and I'm 30 years old. Gosh that age is weird to type. Haha! I am a wife to Brian, my wonderful husband, and a mommy to two very active and loving little boys. Eric is 4 years old and Tyler is 2 years old. I love them to pieces even if they drive me crazy at the same time. :) Besides being these things I am a sister, daughter, friend, and most importantly a child of God. Now if that isn't enough things to identify myself with I now have one more...thyroid cancer patient. If typing my age as 30 is weird typing cancer patient is even more so.

So to answer one question...why did you name your blog You're Not Shaken. Well...there is a song sung by Phil Stacey called You're Not Shaken that really speaks to me. When times are easy it is easy for us to know that God is with us but when things are not as you wish them to be that is when we need to realize that God is with us as well and He is not shaken by our circumstances. He is our rock and will not let go of us no matter what our situation.

Now to fill you in on the background surrounding my thyroid cancer diagnosis. About 3 years ago in 2007 I was pregnant with Tyler and happen to put on a necklace and feel a very small lump on my neck. So small I didn't think to much of it. At my next doctor's appointment though I decided to mention it to my primary care physician. He was surprised I even found it because it was so small. He did send me for an ultrasound though and the results came back as an adenoma. Not a big deal but he referred me to an endocrinologist so my thyroid could be monitored. My endocrinologist performed another ultrasound. He confirmed that it was an adenoma or thyroid nodule but since it didn't seem to be growing we would just monitor it and have bloodwork done every 6 months.

Fast forward 3 years and all is still well. I had noticed some fluctuations in the size of the lump but it always went back to normal so I attributed it to my hormones being a little out of wack after my pregnancy. On February 17 of this year I noticed a little stiffness in my neck and assumed I had pulled a muscle when working out the night before or that morning. I took some mortrin and went to bed. The next day I woke up in a ton of pain. I can handle pain pretty well so when I touched my neck and almost came out of my skin I knew something was not right. I could barely move my head or pick up my kids it hurt so bad. I noticed the pain was radiating up into my ears as well. When I touched my neck I also realized the lump on it was huge in comparison to what it usually is. I immediately called my endocrinologist but the first appointment they had available was March 1st. Not knowing what to do I went to the urgent care here in town. The attending P.A. was very concerned. She wanted me to have an ultrasound right away and decided to call my endocrinologist and see if she could get me in that day. I am so thankful she took the time to really listen to me and cared enough to do this. She called and my endo told me to come in right away.

After juggling my kids around since my hubby was out of town I made it down to the doctor's office. By the way...thanks for those wonderful people that watched my kids that day! It was great not having to worry if they were okay or not. Anyways...once I got to the endo's office they performed an ultrasound on my thyroid. After reviewing the ultrasound my endo wanted to do bloodwork and a biopsy. I've had a ton of bloodwork over the course of my life so that was not a big deal. The biopsy on the other hand had me a little freaked out. I found out after the fact that if you have it done at a hospital they numb you but they don't do that at the doctor's office and I had mine done in the office. I'll save you the gory details but it basically consists of a very thin needle being inserted in the thyroid to remove cells. It wasn't really painful but it was highly uncomfortable for sure. After that was all done it was then just a wait and see what the results would come back as.

My doctor explained to me that it could just be an infection from bronchitis I had earlier, a cyst that had started bleeding, Hashimoto's thyroiditis, or a tumor. He said even if it was a tumor that 95% of the time they are benign...only 5% of them are cancerous. After the biopsy I was pretty sore for a few days but by the end of my wait period I was feeling really good and didn't expect to hear anything serious.

When I went to see the doctor on March 1st and he told Brian & I that I had cancer I was just in shock. I still am really. It is only 2 days since I was diagnosed and everything is very surreal at this point. Right now we are waiting to get a CT scan done of my neck and chest to see if the cancer may have spread to my lymph nodes. Friday I meet with a surgeon to schedule a complete thyroidectomy. On a side note everyone I talk to about this surgeon just loves him. Besides being a very good surgeon he is also a very strong Christian which is an added bonus in my opinion. Basically he will remove my entire thyroid. The biopsy definitely showed cancer of the thyroid but it wasn't able to tell us what kind so once the thyroid is out it can then be tested to tell us what kind we are dealing with. Following the surgery I will at some point undergo radioactive iodine treatment. This involves taking a pill that will kill the rest of the thyroid tissue that may be left over after the surgery. This treatment will cause me to have to be away from my kids for a short time period. Not sure how long yet but we'll find out more when we meet with my endo again. I will then be placed on thyroid medication to take the rest of my life.

Whew...that is quite a lot to explain. Just to let you know the prognosis for thyroid cancer patients is very good...especially for someone of my age apparently. The doctor and everyone else I know has been telling me if I had to get cancer then this would be the one to get. While I appreciate that it is still freaky to hear your name and cancer in the same sentence. My preference is not to have to deal with this at all. However, it's not all about me and sometimes we have to deal with things like this in order to mold us and make us stronger.

So onto the next popular question...how am I feeling and how is Brian doing with it all. Well, I'm feeling pretty well. I am very tired and wear out really easy. This is due to my thyroid levels being low...hypothyroidism...caused by the cancer. Once it is removed and I'm on medication this should get better. I still have pain in my ears sometimes but not bad. My neck is stiff sometimes but not bad at all. The fact that this flared up the way it did is such a blessing because I never would have thought to have it checked. Emotionally I'm doing okay. I'm in shock still and it is strange to tell people that I have cancer. Just typing it is weird. Brian is doing okay. He too is in the surreal mode. He is also worried about me and for me to have to undergo all these things. He is also a little angry at the situation which I can totally understand. All I have to say is I have the best husband in the world and couldn't ask for a better guy to walk this journey with.

Obviously one of my main prayers is for complete healing along with prayers for my kids, husband and family to have peace and to feel God's grace surround them. Another prayer I have is for this to be used to help others; whether it be someone that is going through this as well or if it helps bring glory to God in some other way that is fine with me.

Thank you all so much for all your love and support. The outpouring of encouragement and support has been overwhelming in a good way. All your prayers are so appreciated! I can feel God's love and comfort surrounding me all the time now. :)